i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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