Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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