every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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