Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
