...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
