dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
