Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
