Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
