I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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