Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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