i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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