just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
