I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
