The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
