i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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