My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
