He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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