I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
