I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
dude. I can hear the air.
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