At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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