Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
