gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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