and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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