That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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