Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
