I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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