Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
