i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
