In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
