Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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