Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
