maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
