he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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