she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
