the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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