Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think my vagina is haunted
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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