genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
