I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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