return my video game
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
