remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
