I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sext me about skeletons
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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