anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
