I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
