planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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