if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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