Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
