You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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