Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
