Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
