your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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