I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
