I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
