She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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