My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i've created a new STD.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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