Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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