Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
