we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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