so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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