Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
