You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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