Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We talked him into tasing himself.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
