(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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