I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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